Happy birthday-and-a-bit! Now with bonus sleep dilemmas.

I just realised on the bus this morning that I've had this blog for over a year, and I completely neglected to make a"hapy birthday, IB" post. How sad!

Actually I've been neglecting this all semester, due to complete lack of internet access. For some reason, then internet at Penrith never seems to work for me any more, and the internet at Lilyfield works only on Catie's computer in Catie's room, and then only sometimes, I can never get on. I could in theory go and wrest Catie's laptop from her and camp out in her room, but being as how she's employed now, she seems to be always at work (and at other times busy building that enourmous Scrooge MacDuck-style pool of cash to swim in), so she never seems to be there. And when she is there, ususally one of us is asleep, because her sleeping times are about 3am to 12noon (or thereabouts) and mine (due to 9am starts at uni most days) are more like 11/12(ideally, really more like 1am) - 7am. Ugh.

It's frustrating, actually, because I never seem to see the people I live with, and I have the creeping suspicion that they think that this is all my fault, that I'm deliberately barring them by calously sleeping every night. Doubtless this is in my mind, since obviously everyone needs to sleep, and the 9am starts are by no stretch of the imagination my fault, (which is not to say that Cat having work every day/night and bible study every Tuesday and so on are her fault, but they're not mine either: fate just hates us), but lack of sleep makes me paranoid.

It's awful, actually, I'm so tied all the time because I have to get up early every day, but I can never get to bed on time, so I'm constatntly really tired and I repeat myself and I'm really tired, and I fal asleep in class, and burst into tears for no reason all over the place. Poor Tim puts up with a lot of me crying on his shirts because I'm so sleepy and it seems like everyone is conspiring to stop me going to bed and resents me for sleeping and so on. Plus I;m not sure that;s it's healthy to actually fantasise about going to bed during the day/in class/while talking to people/at night/etc. I really should just go to sleep earlier. But then, as I said, I never see people, and they get annoyed because I'm being antisocial, and I'm sad because I never see them and so on.

Actually, it occurs to me that my conviction that the people I live with are annoyed with me is at a sort of equilibrium: either I sleep, so they're annoyed with me, which makes me convinced that they're annoyed with me, or I sleep less which has the effect that (a) I get sleep deprived and paranoid so I'm convinced that they're annoyed with me, (b) I become mentally unsound and iritable, so they're annoyed with me, and (c) eventually I have to go to bed, usually once every night, and then they get annoyed with me then. Also, I genuinely worry for my mental health because of how tired I am all the time. My mood's really unstable and I just feel like I'm becoming mentally unhinged, which I hate.

Heh. I started off this post feeling upbeat about my blog and it's birthday (I'll make a 1 and half-years old post then), but now I'm sitting in the library all sad because of being always sleepy and annoyed-ed with. Damn. I hate everything. I'm going to go and live in a small box by theseaside all by myself and never talk to anyone again. Actually, I thik I will try to talk less, I think my latin class hates me, because I'm always talking. In year 4 I remember Alex Hodgekiss went for a week without talking to see if she could. Maybe I should do that. Also, I'm all sad because my grandmother died last weekend, and she was really great and I miss her.

There is no trivia star today, because I feel all sad and tired and I don't see why anyone else should enjoy themselves. Ha.

(Ok, fine, star to whoever can tell me the name of the Vogon who once uttered similar sentiments)