Grist to the mill

Yesterday, I wrote a post about how wacky it seemed to me to deliberately choose not to learn to cook, (or anything else). A couple of pals sort of scuffed one shoe sheepishly in the metaphorical dirt and admitted that they couldn't cook much, and that they reckoned that they were pretty helpless without their wives. So first up, better clarify: it's cool not to be real good at cooking (or anything else), and the division of labour in your household is totally up to you and your partner and none of anyone else's business. What I'd say was weird is if you've already decided on that division of labour before you've even met your partner or found out if they have any opinions on the matter, and what they do and don't like to do.

Plus, I resent any time someone decides that they shouldn't learn to do any task for themselves because some sucker will do it for them. That's across the line between "co-operative, mutually respectful and grateful" to "disrespectful and parasitic". So similarly, it's cool if you can't drive, but don't be all "Why should I ever learn? You don't need to, nowadays, it's useless! Can I have a lift?". (I don't object to giving people lifts, I object the people asking for a lift and calling me a schmuck for giving them one).

Thrillingly, though, either this wasn't clear to at least one person, or it was but they were still super annoyed by my metaphorically suggesting that they learn to make a sandwich. This poor hungry soul (not the guy who I had the conversation with yesterday, since both of us know where the other stands and are happy for the other to disagree so long as they don't try to make us change. Plus I checked with him before I blogged, and after) was helpful enough to leave a comment, which I haven't deleted or moderated because it's sort of bizarre and thus amusing:

"What a steaming pile of feminist bullshit" - Anonymous

My first response, of course, is a bemused "haha what" and my second is essentially a mildly scornful delight. Like I said on Tuesday, it's hard to come up with things to write about every single day, so this sort of thing is all grist to the mill, my friend.

It's funny, rather than distressing, since it could only be distressing if it were news to me that foolish trolls like this stalk the hallowed halls of the entire internet, complaining and attacking any ladies who dare to be out of the kitchen. It's pretty much like that time that woman screamed at me that I was a "dumb slut" for losing my carpark exit ticket. I know a lot of women cop that sort of crap all the time, and I feel sort of like King George being glad to have been bombed during the second world war; having been attacked for being part of a group (in this instance: females), I feel like I'm more a member of the group. Does that make sense? I live a pretty priveleged existence when it comes to this sort of crap, so it's good to be reminded what I'm missing out on.

For all it's not really surprising, what with the whole Sarkeesian thing and what have you, it's pretty weird that there are still people in the world who think that the word "feminist" is a term of abuse, or has negative connotations. I mean, Wisconsin revoked Equal Pay For Equal Work this year, something horrifying seems to be happening generally, obviously gender equality does not yet exist, so feminism's work isn't done. It seems like saying "you... you scientist you!" or something. How dare you seek to learn more about the world? How dare you hope for there to be equality one day? If it's not a postive term, it's surely just neutral.

I think maybe there are a lot of wildly misinformed wusses who confuse feminism with misandry? Dudes, feminism is not for bringing men down, it's for lifting everyone up to the same level. Obviously there are parts of life where men are discriminated against, and although there definitely are people who think you can't be sexist against men, or that discriminating against men on the basis of their gender either doesn't happen or doesn't matter, I don't happen to agree with that. I would pretty much like it if the contents of your underpants never lead anyone to be less likely to be hired, or more likely to be dismissed in any area of like, or to be not allowed to wear certain clothing, or to feel that the activities which are perceived as gendered are looked down upon as either brutish or twee. I just... I actually don't understand where people are having trouble with that.

Does our Anonymous interlocuter worry that if ladies stop doing all the housework and get jobs, he won't be employed? Or is he genuinely just annoyed that people aren't jumping up and own to bring him a sandwich? Because surely the corollary of "women stay home and cook, men earn money" is "men have to do all the breadwinning, and never get to enjoy household tasks"? I seriously don't see where anyone wins in that scenario, if it's complusory. If that's the compromise your family has worked out, fine, but I'd feel pretty ripped off if there was a social expectation that I'd be the only one doing paid work, just because of which chromosomes I had. I'm glad to live in a priveleged time where I have a lot of choices and can be my own individual, but frankly, when my alarm goes off at 5am, I can see a lot of appeal in staying home for the day and just making the place nice, and not commuting ever again. In seeking to bring about change, I've always assumed that the feminist movement, both male and female, was trying to make life better and fairer for everybody. Even tossers whose main goal in the day is to troll blogs anonymously.

It's a strange thing, this 'anonymity', since it's not necessarily hard to narrow down the list of suspects. Firstly, I can rule out just about everyone who I know in real life, since I know their opinions about these sorts of thing, mostly. Secondly, the comment appeared within a few hours of posting, and frankly my blog doesn't get that much traffic, so the odds are good that it's someone who either has my blog as an RSS or "follows" it. And there's only one guy who I've ever given the address of this blog to before I realised that he was the sort of person who really thought that feminism was a massive conspiracy.

It was years ago, when I had an okcupid profile (don't judge me), in that short window of time between the website introducing pop-up chat and me figuring out how to mute the damn chat widget so I was invisible all the time (I hate online chat with people who I don't know even more than online chat with people who I do know but who come online just as I realise I have to go to bed so I look super rude and shifty when we have a conversation that goes "Hi!" / "Hi! Actually I have to go now, bye!" and spend the next interminable period of time worrying that it looks like I'm just trying to avoid them). Anyway, it was pretty strange, this guy was all "I read your profile, and I thought you might be interested in this sort of think {link}, it's about men's rights." And I was all "oh, hi, random stranger, what gives you that idea?" (Because seriously what gave him that idea? My profile, as I recall, was mainly occupied with me making fun of the question "what 6 things could you not live without?") Only later did I get a chance to click the link (and I wish I could find it to show you, Dear Reader, really I do) and realised it was a particularly wacky conspiracy style forum for dudes complaining about how everyone was mean to them. All I remember specifically was this bit where the main article-writing dude was carrying on about some bit of classical mythology (Phaedra? Antigone? Harpies? Can't remember) and saying how savage and awful they were and said "how like a modern feminist!". It was puerile in all the available senses.

Do you reckon these people have never heard the aphorism that posting your opinion as an aggressive anonymous comment is a great way to show that you know you ought to be ashamed of holding that opinion, that your opinion doesn't matter? That not only is no-one else likely to agree, but that even you don't want to be seen or associated with that viewpoint? It mystifies me that you would even bother, given that the scorn for that sort of silliness is so universal.

Anyway, this is probably enough carry-on from me about one single dimwit comment, but frankly, I just sort of feel like you know you've really made it onto the internet when you can hum this great song to yourself and totally feel justified, because someone really did say something that dumb and pointless to you.